Berdie's Wedding

The chirping woke me up this morning earlier than usual. Normally we wait til the sun rises to get to work, but this morning the birds were up before the sun. No other sounds could be heard, except for the careless song, as they chatter away outside the window. I groaned and turned over in the bed. The mass next to me didnt move. It laid there, stiff and motionless, with the chest rising and falling in an uneven rhythm as it breathed. The birds did not wake Rubin.

I closed my eyes for just a brief moment, just a blink, reopening them to a lit room. The yellow beams from the window danced along the bare walls, revealing the cracks and holes formed from impact. Tiny specks flittered in the ray across the room- fairy dust ma told me long ago. They leave it behind when they come and visit you in your dreams she said to me. For many nights after I would try so hard to stay awake all night to see the fairies come but I never could, always falling asleep after bout an hour. Rubin called me silly after he realized I was trying to see them. Fairies aint real he told me, and I cried so hard- I didnt want to believe him. Ma got mad at him and told him to apologise and he did, then ma said that boys cannot see fairies, only us girls.

The thumps from the ax carried through the window…whack…whack…the ax hit the logs with such precision…whack…breaking each…whack…into two equal logs for burning. Even though winter was done we still need wood for the range. That was Rubin's chore every day- cutting, whacking, that fire wood. I got up…whack…and pulled my blue dress over my head. It was my…whack…ma's when she first got married. Im…whack…bout the size she was. It was a pretty- blue, the shade of her eyes…whack…with small yellow flowers….whack…dotted randomly without…whack…pattern or purpose to it. It fit loosely around my chest…whack…and the fraying edges barely…whack…reached my knees. Mrs Winnem told my pa…whack…that I need a new dress and it aint proper for a girl my age to be running around in such a tatter frock she says. But my pa just said to her we aint got the money for a new frock, Plus shes happy wearin her ma's dress. I am, it makes me feel more like a woman.

The whacking of the ax stopped and I ran into the kitchen to start breakfast, looking in the fridge first but I didnt see no eggs, so I ran to the store room and saw some salted bacon and ham and sausage. I gather it up and started cutting it up for breakfast. As the meat sizzled in the pan, I couldn't help but cry a bit cause I missed Porky so much, but pa said we needed him for food and thats it. And there aint no arguing with pa when he says thats it, so I let him shoot my Porky. That squealing reminded me when she was a piglet, screaming to be let at the tits of the sow. So I fed her the milk through a baby bottle, and we grew close, more than just woman and beast, and now I am cooking her for breakfast. Suddenly I wasnt hungry no more.

Rubin came in and dropped the wood near the range and opened the fridge and poured him a glass of milk and sat down. Little droplets of sweat dotted his forehead, matting his brown hair to his head, yet despite the perspiration, Rubin did not look worn-out. He was big, almost bigger than pa, his hands were bout the size of my feet and he could lift most anything. Thats why pa has him do the heavy chores like cutting the wood and plowing and harvesting while he drives the wagon to town every morning to do business and comes back late at night. We aint never been sure what kind of business he do, cause he dont always have things to sell but he sometimes comes back with thing he bought, normally it's a watch or some other small trinket. Once he came back with a new horse, we asked him were he got it from and he just said he got it from Dr. Livingstone and we oughter put her in the barn.

Just I turned the bacon over and the sizzle of grease sprayed my hand, Rubin sat without a word drinkin his milk. Pa up yet? I asked. Rubin shook his head He aint never come home last night. A silence filled the room once again, but the birds still chirped out the window singing about the new spring. Gosh, I love spring, its so pretty because of the bloom of flowers. Ma used to plant a garden each year outside the kitchen door and fill it with rhododendrons and azaleas and geraniums and more and theyd let off the sweetest odor and itd carry through the house and all the way down to the barn. I remember my ma's blond hair would lighten this time of year from the hours she spend working in the garden and I would explore the jungle of leaves and petals and sit in the dirt as she decorated my white hair with red and blue flowers singing stories about the fairies. Sometimes, in the late afternoon she would…

There was a crash from the other side of the house and the sound of heavy footsteps. I jumped at the sound of the slamming door and hurried back to the range, but Rubin remained still like a statue. He aint never got scared. Pa staggered in and looked around with distant blank stare on his face, the red eyes surveyed the room, looking for something out of place, something to scold us about, but I guess he didnt find it cause he just went to the fridge, slammed it shut after he didnt find what he was lookin for. Then he came over to me and pushed me aside to get to the cabinet above the range to get glass and the bottle of hooch. He filled the glass and drank deep like it were water, making him perk up a bit and then he looked at Rubin. Diya plow the fiel lie I tolya te? Ya, I did. Rubin took another drink from his glass. An ya, he turned to me. Diya milk tha cow? Yes, pa. The bacon was almost done, so I got the plates from the cabinet and set them on the table. Suddenly my pa pushed me violently against the fridge so that his face was inches from my own and his breath, rancid from smell of the hooch, whipped me with each panting gasp. The bloodshot eyes stared deep into mine, bewilder yet longing. I thought I had done something wrong and he was going to hit me, but I could see behind him Rubin had gotten up to defend me if needed. Pa held me there for what seemed like forever, meanwhile the birds continued to sing their songs of joy out the window. For a long time no one moved in the kitchen, just waited- Rubin for pa to strike, pa for me to push off, and me for ma to walk through the door. But nothing happened. Suddenly pa said You look just like yer ma and kissed me on the lips, the he sat back down and poured him another glass of hooch. I served the bacon.

Aside from the birds, the only sound was from the crunching of bacon and the clink of glasses when pa went to pour more hooch. Abruptly with a mouthful he said Rubin, yer te plow the lower fiel near the road terday. Yessir. And yer Berdie. I looked up from Porky. Yer comin ter town wit me terday. Pa continued with his sausage, but me and Rubin stopped and looked at each other with the same questioning glance. I didnt want to be one to ask, so Rubin asked why. Pa was silent for a few minutes, eatin and drinkin away. Then he said Yer getting married.

There was a loud smash as Rubins glass fell to the ground just as all the plates and glasses shook. Rubin stood now with both hand firmly placed on the table looking at pa with glare, but Pa continued to eat without noticing. Watda mean married? Rubin asked through his teeth, grinding them together. Pa wiped his mouth on his dirty sleeve and looked at Rubin. Berdies gettin married to Ardy Cladanse, yessirday we was playin cards and he askest fer her hand. Ya mean ya betted her, didnt ya? Pa went silent again, taking another gulp from his glass, while Rubin was gettin angrier with every second of silence. Now pa stood up and met Rubin's stare. It aint none of ya business now get ter werk! Shes my sister and I aint letting you sell off her like this.

Sometimes kids need a good whipping to help them learn how someone should act, at least that's what Ive always been told, so Rubin and me always took our beatings, and ma would hold us as we cried after. Shed let us cry into her dress, soaking the shoulder as she sang to calm us down. But never had we tried to fight back. I dunno if we have it in us, so when the plated were crashin on the floor and the table collaped under their bodies, I knew that pa had lunged at Rubin. They was wrestling and biting each other, screaming swears and oaths, some I aint never heard before. Pa was grunting some words that I couldn't understand over Rubins yells for pa to leave us alone.

Finally pa collided with the fridge as Rubin threw him off. He hit his head and it was bleedin now. Blood also dripped from Rubins nose on the floors, mixing the two together, creating a cloud as the dark brown liquid swallowed the red droplets. Pa came over and started punching Rubins face, and I screamed for him to stop, but he didnt listen: he never listens. After Rubin's face had turned blue and purple, pa stopped and walked into the store room. The silence was restored, and even the birds werent singing no more outside. As pa came back with a slab of steak and threw it at Rubin. Now ya clean yerself up and get ter the fiel. Rubin jumped up and left the kitchen without a sound or sob. Pa picked up the bottle of hooch and drank what hadnt spilt out when it was knocked off the table, stopping he looked at me and said Go wash yer face and pack yer things.

All I could do was obey, so I went to my room and gathered my few possessions- my dolls ma made for me when I was born and my one pair of shoes and my Bible and a picture of my ma. Pa was right, I guess, we do look alike. We both have blond hair and blue eyes, and same nose and mouth and even forehead. Sitting on my bed for a moment, I held back tears welling up in my eyes. My ears rang from the silence, and the only sound was from the barn, a good stone's throw from the window, where Rubin was hitching the horse for some work. Now that the sun was higher, you couldnt see the beams through the panes no more, but I knew that fairy dust was still there. Then I wondered if the fairies would be able to find me tonight as I sleep in my new home- no, it aint no home of mine, its just a house, a place for living. Home is here, with Rubin and ma, but I aint got no choice in that.

I walked out to the wagon and sat in the back, facing the lower field. I could see Rubin had gotten to work plowing with the horse pa got from Dr. Livingstone. Pa came out of the house and mounted the wagon, taking the reins he hit the horse and we started. The creaking of the wheels sounded like birds chirping, and a bluebird in a near tree answered. Far off Rubin stopped plowing and watched as the wagon traveled down the road, disappearing over the horizon.